When you were a baby, I would feed you in the dark so that you could learn the difference between night and day. I didn’t want to wake your dad either so would tiptoe across the carpet to get a clean nappy. You would dreamfeed, all snuggled up against my skin, safe and secure in my arms.
When you were a toddler, I would tiptoe across the landing to your baby brothers room in the night to feed him. I would always check in on you. You would often sleep upside down with your bottom in the air! Or you would be smuggled down with your Dutch dolly called “Lovey La-La,” thumb in your mouth. You looked so small in your new “Big Girl” bed. You would often be surrounded by books. I would move a blond curl from your little face.
As a little girl, you would often tiptoe into my room, press your face up to mine and ask me if there were robbers at the door. I would take you back to bed and tuck you in reassuring you that no one could get in. Your little imagination would run riot. You didn’t like the dark and would insist on a night light. Your teddies and soft toys were positioned carefully on your bed so that they could keep an eye on you. Little soldiers guarding you from nightmares and frights.
Now, I’m waiting in the dark. I’m awake you see as you are not yet home. I know you will always text me to let me know that you are safe. You are a good girl like that. But you are not in bed. You are not home. You are where you should be, out with your friends. But I’m awake waiting in the dark. I offered to pick you up but it’s easier, you said to stay with a friend. It’s all planned. That’s ok. I love that you are organised like that. It’s just that, I will always be your mum you see and I will lie in the dark thinking of you, even when you are not here. Have fun. Stay safe. My little girl.
I was chatting to my good friend, Marie. She is lovely and has children of a similar age to mine and she was asking if I was going to have any more children.
What!??! Urrrr noooooooo!!??
You get the picture!
She always thought that I would have more children you see -I have 2. In fact, I always thought I would have more children. It was just that there was never the right time. I even saved names for those children.
Hubbie didn’t want another when I did (when son was about 4). Then when I definitely could not see myself with another, he started to consider the thought! By then, the gap would have been 8 years between 2 and 3 and I just couldn’t imagine starting again. Anyway, I was working full time and I couldn’t imagine working, having 2 school aged children and a baby! I was only just managing with the routine I had. I remember a family member telling me that I didn’t want to get to 40 and regret it or that every baby was a blessing.
I reached 40 and decided that I did not want another baby. I was so happy and lucky to have the family I have.
But then my ovaries started hurting…..
I think it’s my bodies way of telling me this is my last chance. I mean, I’m 45 now so there is such a slim chance! This blogging malarky doesn’t help either as so many of you lovely people have such cute babies! And dont get me started on Instagram! OMG the cuteness!
I think my ovaries are hurting because I just miss my children being babies? Does that make sense? I miss me being a mummy of younger children I guess. I think that’s just part of my make-up; I’m a primary school teacher so enjoy this age group. That’s not to say I don’t love my teenagers….I just miss them as babies. Or, may be my ovaries are hurting because I’m perimenopausal?? Yeah, that’ll be it!
OH THE JOYS OF THE PERIMENOPAUSE (Yes! It’s a thing…….google it!)
I have been blogging for almost 6 months now and I’ve learnt so much! Who knew that little old me could learn all the technical stuff?
I started this blog as a way of writing about the things we were doing to the old house but it’s evolved into a “parenting, lifestyle, things we are doing to the old house” type blog! Another blogger described it as “eclectic” and that’s what it is…..a rambling old house in the Shires!
So what have I learnt?
1. You become clearer about why you are blogging.
I started this blog to fill a void of not working full-time and having more time on my hands as my children are teenagers. We had also recently moved house so it seemed a good way to document things we did to the old house over time. After 6 months it’s become more of a hobby. A hobby which I had never considered before and one that is more time consuming that I could possibly have imagined!
2. There’s a whole community out there! Who knew??
There are so many lovely people out there who you chat to over the computer! I have a little group of blogging friends and that’s empowering. I like the fact that I could be chatting to someone on the other side of the world about their vegetables or about their teenagers slamming doors too! The other thing I’ve learnt is that people are kind and helpful. Generally if you ask another blogger for advice, they will give it to you. As someone who had never been on Twitter before, this was essential! (Apologies if I still haven’t learnt tweeting etiquette 😉). And as for the whole self hosting thang….yeez! Not for me…..yet.
3. I like to write. It may not be read by too many people yet but I enjoy it!
I’m always amazed at the posts that people like to read. It can be the posts that I have fretted over posting. Or, a post that I wrote in 5 minutes gets more views that’s a post that has taken me 3 days to write! I like to write and that is why I blog but it’s important to me that people enjoy reading them. I know that others do it for a job but I have a job so I’m happy with my teeny tiny corner of the internet.
4. It’s giving me something to fill the “mum” void that I am finding now I have teenagers.
Oh the mum void! There’s a post to write. I think nature is cruel because at the same time that our children are becoming more independent, we are becoming more hormonal. Crazy. Again, another post! It would be called, “My perimenopausal brain…..”
5. I’m getting out and about more due to My Glorious Gardens series!
This is bit I love the most! I know that next academic year I’m working more in school so this is pushing me out there more during this summer term! I’m going to Gardens that I have always wanted to visit but haven’t had the time to visit in the past. I love it! In fact, I’m off today…… must dash. My country boots (and rain coat by the looks of things) are calling me and Dottie is looking at me as if to say, “Come on mum!” Well, at least someone needs me…….😍🐶
So what are my blogging goals for the next 6 months?
Well I don’t really know where my blog is going but that’s ok! I’ve been a guest on Dippy Dotty girl’s amazing website but I would love to guest on a parenting blog.
I have amazing children who are now almost grown. I started this blog because I found that although I was working part time, I finally had time to do something else. My parenting days are far from over but my teenagers just don’t physically need me as much and it happened quite suddenly. It crept up on me when I found myself alone one Saturday afternoon enjoying a cup of tea and realised that I didn’t need to be anywhere! It got me thinking about all the things that used to drive me nuts that I was actually now missing. It’s as if my “parenting routines comfort blanket” has been removed and I am now thinking about how I should replace it. I’m feeling sad and possibly hormonal (ahh the menopausal brain) so bear with me!
Being up early
Oh how I craved a lie-in when the children were tiny! My hubbie and I used to try to take turns having that extra hour in bed at the weekends but it often never worked out that way. The baby would need feeding or we would take the children swimming early to fit in with naps. Having any extra time to sleep became a bit of an obsession! But now we have teenagers who think sleeping is a national sport I just don’t seem to need to lie in! I wake up naturally at 7.30am on a Saturday and although it’s great to be able to take a cup of tea back to bed, the children are asleep for half the day! If we plan to do anything it has to be after lunch really. I miss the early morning snuggles reading that book over and over… There, I said it!
This is going to sound bonkers but I miss CBeebies with Tinky Winky, Iggle Piggle and Peppa Pig. I even miss the theme tunes! In my job as a teacher I was always knowledgable with what the children liked when I had small children at home. “Oh yes I did see that episode when Daddy Pig slept outside in the car!” Now, I don’t have a clue and think the fact kids watch some Japanese woman opening Lego on YouTube slightly disturbing! I certainly don’t miss iCarly or some of those tween programmes that my children used to watch but I do miss Good luck Charlie. Charlie was just too cute! It’s now Ex on the beach, Prison Break or Indian cricket (sorry, not for me).
Buying Children’s clothes
It’s such a chore shopping with babies and young children isn’t it but at least they don’t have a say in what you buy. If you want them to wear that cute piglet suit then they will. If you want to dress them in an old-fashioned sailor suit then so be it! Tweens and teens have a very definite idea of what they like and dislike. I remember trying to persuade my son that shirts that he had been happily wearing for the past 3 years, were smart but no, he just wouldn’t wear one. My children have a monthly allowance for clothes now that we gave them when they turned 14. It saves the aggro to be honest and if they want that Supreme T-shirt that costs £60, then they have to save for it. But, I miss the cute children’s clothes you can buy and having a say on what they wear.
I’m not sure if this is just my children but I miss going on day trips. If I ask my two what they would like to do during the holidays, the only thing we agree on is to go to the cinema or to London. Well, going to London for a day or longer is not really a day trip for us because we would have to find someone to check on the dog. It’s also an expensive day out as we would go on the train and they want to shop! Days out in the ‘Big Smoke’ are therefore, not going to happen often. They also don’t mind being driven to see friends of course but that doesn’t include me or Hubbie! It may also be because I have a girl and a boy so my son may want to go ice skating for example but my daughter would want to go out for a meal. But I miss farm parks and soft play (For little kids). I miss going to the beach (too much sand apparently) or walking in a nearby beauty spot (too cold/wet/boring). Often, we just don’t go anywhere or we eat out. They then complain that they are bored! Hohum.
Having evenings “off”
I love having my teenagers watching TV with me (especially CSI or Americas Next Top Model) but sometimes I would like an evening “off”. I would like to watch what I want to watch and not have to fight to watch Broadchurch or Gardeners World! With small children they are, hopefully, asleep by 8pm so you can relax and spend some quality time with your hubbie. Well I miss that. Often, my teens are still up when we go to bed.
So there you have it. I love my teens but I miss my babies. Perhaps it’s nostalgia that protects us from the hard times we had with young children? There are many times that I remember feeling tired, overwhelmed and fed up but I still miss it. So, enjoy the times that make you feel tired, over whelmed or fed up because those times don’t last. In fact, they are over in a blink of an eye and then you’ll be looking at the next stage in your life whether you like it or not.
OH THE JOYS OF LIVING IN THE OLD HOUSE IN THE SHIRES.
I’m not sure how but I’ve posted 50 blog posts! It’s gone so quickly and I’ve really enjoyed writing different posts. It’s funny how the posts that I expected to be popular haven’t had as many readers as others or the posts that I am most proud of are not necessary the ones people read! Well I suppose that’s the point of blogging….different stories reach different people and that’s okay!
I have also been considering why I blog and that has changed over time. I started thinking that I would blog about the changes happening to the house and that would be a cool way to record them so we don’t forget. As time as passed, I have enjoyed the writing process more than I thought I would. I also found that not enough changes were happening to the house so my blog was becoming more of a lifestyle or parenting blog! Maybe I should rename it “oldwomanintheshires!” Or “oldmumintheshires!” But I’ve realised that’s okay too…..my blog has evolved and it’s a good thing. I mean my site is a little eclectic in its posts but that suits the old house!
I’ve enjoyed chatting with other bloggers and that’s really surprised me in that I just didn’t realise how many lovely people also blog! Who knew that you could chat with a lovely mummy in The Phillipines about toddler issues or share photo tips with a blogger who is clearly an amazing photographer?! It’s so awesome! So thank you fellow bloggers for your inspiration, comments, encouragement and ideas. Sending you (((hugs))) through my site.
So, come in if you like eclectic posts about random thoughts, parenting experiences or photos of my garden and house. Or just send me a comment for a chat. Everyone is welcome! I’ll just out the kettle on…..