Being a parent can be hard. It’s exhausting, relentless and it can be, dare I say, boring. Although being a parent is wonderful most of the time, I think every parent at some time or another has wished for a sunny beach, peace, quiet and preferably a margarita in hand! But I’ll tell you a little secret that parents of little ones don’t know or even have time to think about….it does change and get easier; almost overnight and then you will miss those challenges with all your heart.
When you were a baby, I would feed you in the dark so that you could learn the difference between night and day. I didn’t want to wake your dad either so would tiptoe across the carpet to get a clean nappy. You would dreamfeed, all snuggled up against my skin, safe and secure in my arms.
Do you know traditional nursery rhymes? Do you sing them with your baby or young child?
At the weekend, I went to watch one of my children play sport and was reminded of how some parents are just bloody annoying. You know the types….so here are my top annoying parent things that have actually happened to me….
- I took my daughter to one if those intensive swimming weeks aged 5 because I thought it was “an important life skill.” I realised she was the oldest child there. Wtf…she was 5. What annoying parent sends a 3 year old to an intensive swimming week??
- Having a parent tell you their child only eats organic food, likes a lavender bath followed by a story (I’ve popped it in the bag) before a sleep over at my house! Wtf…..she’ll be lucky to get pizza and a sleeping bag, I think as I smile politely. She didn’t come again.
- The mum that said her baby sleeps through at 3 days old….shut up now please (although my son was one of those, sorry!) It took my daughter until she was 9 months.
- The parent who goes on and on about what a genius child they have…..he goes to mandarin, has cornet lessons and has made the under 6 rugby team, aged 4. Stop. You are annoying! Actually, as a teacher I get this a lot….your child is not a genius I’m afraid as it is clear that you do their homework. The more after school clubs they do does not equal how gifted they are people.
- Yes, your child eats everything! Well, mine likes yellow food the best.
- The mum on the beach who looks so perfect in her bikini with amazing, flicky hair. Sorry, but you are genetically annoying.
- The mum who goes to baby yoga, baby singing and baby swimming whilst I struggled to go anywhere….you were sooo annoying.
- To the parent with the white carpet and sofa…you were annoying but we weren’t invited again so I forgive you. Oh by the way, sorry for the wee stain….
- The parent who would sneak into the cinema with a sleeping baby in a carry car seat and the baby slept through the entire film! Yes, you were annoying as I sat there with my boobs soaking my T-shirt unable to enjoy the film because I’d left my baby for the first time.
- The mum who looks disapprovingly whilst I wrestle my tantruming daughter out of the shop by bundling her under one arm whilst 8 months pregnant. F off, you were annoying.
- To the fake posh parents who drive a Bentley and say, “Cressida is having such pony problems.” You are so poshly annoying.
- To the actual posh parent who is lovely but pops to Gleneagles for the weekend or lends you their kid’s cashmere cardie after a swimming party at their mansion. You are lovely but still a teeny bit annoying.
- To the parents of that toddler who sat through that flight to Gran Canaria on their parents lap whilst my 20 month old child demanded to walk up and down the aisle 20 million times, you were smugly annoying. What were we thinking??
- To the disapproving older person who said my child needed to see a child psychologist because of his rage, aged 4. That was hurtfully annoying.
- To the parent of the kid who is on the same rugby team as my kid, you are annoying the way you yell at my kid and tell him how to play.
- To the parent who just won’t tell their child “no” because it may damage their self-esteem. You and your child….just No!
- To the parent who lets their child throw their book bag at them and hit my kid and then laughs at how cute they are. No, your kid is horrid and you are annoying.
- To Beyoncé in her stupid tutu thingy outfit announcing on the internet that she is pregnant. And?? You are not a religious figure who is producing the next messiah! You are alarmingly annoying.
But, in reality I expect I was the annoying parent to other parents so to all of us….
Hurrah for the annoying parent!
OH THE JOYS OF LIVING IN THE OLD HOUSE IN THE SHIRES.