Blogging Block

I have Blogging Block.

After a break from blogging and apart from writing about that amazing break, I’m a bit stuck….I think this is normal but I’m never quiet…it’s just not me! I think being away from my blog has helped me realise that well, it’s taken over my life just a teeny bit??Maybe having Bloggers Block is a good thing?

Read more

How to survive teen driving lessons in 5 easy steps.

Driving home from school the other day and my 17-year-old tells me that I have my hands at the wrong position on the wheel! What?? In fact, after a few driving lessons she is often pointing out various things I’m doing that are technically “wrong.” I remember doing this exact thing with my mum. I feel officially old!

Read more

Ditty nos 1: As the glass is waiting for you downstairs.

Why is it that kids books always follow a rhyme?

Especially when you’re trying to secretly skip a line…

And the smart kid notices EVERY SINGLE TIME….

And all you can think about is the chilled bottle of wine.

As the glass is waiting for you downstairs.

 

It’s the Gruffalo, Chocolate Moose or A Squash and a Squeeze,

Come on kid, do we have to? One more page, please?

Mummy needs to go to sleep, she’s practically on her knees!

It’s definitely time to go to sleep. Everyone agrees…

As the glass is waiting for you downstairs.

 

Kid two is finally sound asleep…really, thank the Lord!

Curled around his teddy, lego car and a plastic sword.

Kid one is playing up…kicking out at her headboard

But you are getting cross as the wine is already poured

As the glass is waiting for you downstairs.

 

It’s Dads turn now. Let’s see what he can do,

I want a drink, Just one more kiss. Dad, I need a poo!

Daddy and kid one are shrieking now… What a hullabaloo!

I’m coming up….bloody hell! Why are you playing king-fu??

As the glass is waiting for you downstairs.

 

Well I give up. That’s it, I’ve had enough for one night!

You’ve had a wee, here’s a drink.  I’ve put on your nightlight.

Now go to sleep, mummy’s tired. You’ll be quite alright.

I love you to the moon and back but frankly, not tonight…

As the glass is still waiting for me downstairs.

3 Little Buttons
Two Tiny Hands

The Tale of Mummyhood

What’s annoying me series…… Today, it’s other parents.

At the weekend, I went to watch one of my children play sport and was reminded of how some parents are just bloody annoying. You know the types….so here are my top annoying parent things that have actually happened to me….

  • I took my daughter to one if those intensive swimming weeks aged 5 because I thought it was “an important life skill.” I realised she was the oldest child there. Wtf…she was 5. What annoying parent sends a 3 year old to an intensive swimming week??
  • Having a parent tell you their child only eats organic food, likes a lavender bath followed by a story (I’ve popped it in the bag) before a sleep over at my house! Wtf…..she’ll be lucky to get pizza and a sleeping bag, I think as I smile politely. She didn’t come again.
  • The mum that said her baby sleeps through at 3 days old….shut up now please (although my son was one of those, sorry!) It took my daughter until she was 9 months.
  • The parent who goes on and on about what a genius child they have…..he goes to mandarin, has cornet lessons and has made the under 6 rugby team, aged 4.  Stop. You are annoying! Actually, as a teacher I get this a lot….your child is not a genius I’m afraid as it is clear that you do their homework. The more after school clubs they do does not equal how gifted they are people.
  • Yes, your child eats everything! Well, mine likes yellow food the best.
  • The mum on the beach who looks so perfect in her bikini with amazing, flicky hair. Sorry, but you are genetically annoying.
  • The mum who goes to baby yoga, baby singing and baby swimming whilst I struggled to go anywhere….you were sooo annoying.
  • To the parent with the white carpet and sofa…you were annoying but we weren’t invited again so I forgive you. Oh by the way, sorry for the wee stain….
  • The parent who would sneak into the cinema with a sleeping baby in a carry car seat and the baby slept through the entire film! Yes, you were annoying as I sat there with my boobs soaking my T-shirt unable to enjoy the film because I’d left my baby for the first time.
cropped-img_0781.jpg
Child looking amazed at the content of this post!
  • The mum who looks disapprovingly whilst I wrestle my tantruming daughter out of the shop by bundling her under one arm whilst 8 months pregnant. F off, you were annoying.
  • To the fake posh parents who drive a Bentley and say, “Cressida is having such pony problems.” You are so poshly annoying.
  • To the actual posh parent who is lovely but pops to Gleneagles for the weekend or lends you their kid’s cashmere cardie after a swimming party at their mansion. You are lovely but still a teeny bit annoying.
  • To the parents of that toddler who sat through that flight to Gran Canaria on their parents lap whilst my 20 month old child demanded to walk up and down the aisle 20 million times, you were smugly annoying. What were we thinking??
  • To the disapproving older person who said my child needed to see a child psychologist because of his rage, aged 4. That was hurtfully annoying.
  • To the parent of the kid who is on the same rugby team as my kid, you are annoying the way you yell at my kid and tell him how to play.
  • To the parent who just won’t tell their child “no” because it may damage their self-esteem. You and your child….just No!
  • To the parent who lets their child throw their book bag at them and hit my kid and then laughs at how cute they are. No, your kid is horrid and you are annoying.
  • To Beyoncé in her stupid tutu thingy outfit announcing on the internet that she is pregnant. And?? You are not a religious figure who is producing the next messiah! You are alarmingly annoying.

But, in reality I expect I was the annoying parent to other parents so to all of us….

Hurrah for the annoying parent!

OH THE JOYS OF LIVING IN THE OLD HOUSE IN THE SHIRES.

Design


The Tale of Mummyhood

Life Love and Dirty Dishes</div